My name is Mike Frazier and I am a psychiatrist and marriage coach.
I’ve been married since 2005 to the wonderful woman in the picture, Elizabeth, and we have five amazing children.
I graduated Magna Cum Laude in neuroscience from Brigham Young University, attended UCLA medical school, and went through psychiatry residency training at UC Irvine.
I’m an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a Christian church.
My marriage looked good from the outside.
But inside it was a nightmare.
This picture is a good representation of what our marriage is like now.
But for many years, it was a nightmare.
I often felt like whatever I did, it wasn’t enough for her.
I worked hard to go through medical school, residency and private practice to provide for my family.
I did my best to be a good father for my children.
I tried to understand her, to serve her, to help her, to be there for her.
But, I never really felt appreciated for what I did.
I felt shut out. Like she didn’t really care.
I would want to share things with her, and would try sometimes, but I didn’t get far.
I didn’t feel like she was listening.
I felt like I was being used as a meal ticket and sometimes a babysitter and a servant around the house. That I was only good for that to her.
Our sex life was awful. She would never initiate, and would usually shut me down if I initiated.
When we did have sex, it wasn’t all that great because I felt like I was taking something from her. Like I had finally worn her down enough to give in.
At one point, I’m embarrassed to say, we went over a year with zero sex.
I felt like I got a lot more attention from my fellow female students, residents, doctors and nurses.
I would spend lots of time fantasizing and imagining how different…
life would be if I could be with one of them, or some girl from my past… or even somebody from church.
Of course, I felt guilty about this. I knew that wasn’t right.
But I didn’t know what else to do.
Sometimes I would go to my car at night and just scream because I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore.
I didn’t feel like I could really talk to anyone about all this.
I had to act like things were fine at work, at church, and with my family.
I distanced myself from friends and family because I didn’t want anyone to know what was going on.
It was a very lonely, stressful, sad and anxious time.
I thought about divorce plenty of times. It seemed like such an easy way out.
I went back and forth, but decided to do my best to make it work.
I’m not saying divorce is never an option for anyone.
But, I decided that for me, I owed it to myself, my kids and to God to do my best to make it work.
I spent many years learning what it takes to build a great marriage.
I was fortunate to have specialized in psychiatry, where I learned the most effective tools and techniques to manage my own thoughts and emotions from some of the best teachers on the planet.
I read books, took courses and listened to podcasts about relationships, marriage, sexuality, attraction, mindset, emotional intelligence, and personal development.
After all my studies and application…
I found that a great marriage boiled down to three steps.
Get strong. Get attractive. Get the marriage of your dreams.
Step 1 – Get Strong
The first step was getting strong.
It meant building up my spiritual and mental strength.
To not NEED my wife to build up my sense of self worth.
To become a MASTER of my thoughts, so I could create the results I wanted in my life.
To be able to manage my OWN anger, frustration and anxiety, instead of relying on her to do it.
It meant I had to STOP taking responsibility for my wife’s happiness, and STOP making her responsible for mine.
As I did this, I began to feel better, stronger and more confident than EVER.
Step 2 – Get Attractive
Once I felt good about who I was, I had to develop the interpersonal skills that would make me more attractive.
This meant learning to become an expert at communication.
It meant looking at sexuality in a whole new way. One that was about connection instead of orgasm or “meeting needs.”
It meant making requests and setting boundaries so that the marriage was a win for both of us.
Step 3 – Get a strong, joyful and intimate marriage
As I made these changes, something amazing happened.
My marriage started to transform.
I didn’t feel like I was being used or mistreated in my marriage.
I felt like I had been let out of prison.
I started to experience deep connection with my wife as we shared the most important parts of ourselves with each other.
Our sex life became a way to share an electric, deep connection (something I never thought possible due to her history of serious sexual abuse).
These relationship changes extended to my kids.
I didn’t get angry as easily. I spent more quality time with them. I saw them as a joy instead of a nuisance.
Work got much easier, as I wasn’t distracted by all the problems at home. I was more productive and did a much better job with my clients.
I felt calm and confident again and reconnected with friends at work and church.
Those changes have continued to grow over time to where now I can hardly believe how great my marriage is.
As I taught these principles to others, they started to see the same types of changes.
You can see their stories here.
You can get strong, get attractive and get the marriage of your dreams too.
Even if you’re the only one who wants to work on it.
No matter what happened in your marriage…
- Falling out of love
- Emotional affair
- Lack of intimacy
- Broken trust
- Midlife crisis
- Lack of appreciation
- Poor communication
- Money, parenting, in-laws or sex conflicts
As you get strong and get attractive, you CAN and WILL get the marriage of your dreams.
Let me help you get there.
Because life is SO much better here!
More Details About Me If You’re Interested
Brigham Young University – Magna Cum Laude – Bacehlor’s Degree – Neuroscience
ULCA medical school – MD Degree
UC Irvine – Psychiatry Residency
PTSD fellowship – Long Beach VA
Redbook 1 – 34 Alternatives to Couples Therapy That Will Strengthen Your Relationship
2 – 40 Signs You Might be Self-Sabotaging Your Relationship
3 – 33 Ways to Battle Jealousy In Your Relationship
U.S. News and World Report 1 – 6 Affordable Mental Health Care Service Options
2 – How introverts can win at negotiating retail purchases
Ask Men – Stimulate Her With 12 “Moan Zones”
Men’s Journal – Sex Tips For Parents