I will reach out to you within 1-2 business days with your customized best next steps after reviewing your application.
What You Want
If you’re a high achieving, professionally successful Christian man who wants to…
Create amazing mental, emotional and sexual intimacy with your wife…
Leave an incredible legacy for your children to follow…
All while living true to Christian principles…
You’re in the right place.
The Problems You See
Maybe you’re here because you feel like you’re doing “all the right things,” but your wife just isn’t interested in sex. Maybe she’s saying “I don’t even care if we never have sex again.”
Maybe she doesn’t look at you with that loving look anymore. Instead, it’s a look of disinterest or disappointment. When you do communicate, it’s about another thing for you to do, or another thing you haven’t done. You feel like whatever you do, it isn’t enough. Or, the communication is so superficial that you might as well just be roommates. Maybe she’s saying “I love you but I’m not in love with you.”
Maybe when you do communicate, it’s just arguing. And arguing about the same old things. Money, sex, in-laws, parenting, religion, housework and how you spend your time. But you never get to something that works for both of you.
Maybe you’ve been unfaithful, and you just want to find a way to get trust back. Maybe she’s been unfaithful and you’re wondering how to recover.
Maybe it’s gotten to the point that your wife is talking about separation or divorce, or taking steps that way.
The Root Cause Of The Problem – Loss Of The 3 Pillars Of A Passionate Marriage
Whether there’s low mental, emotional or sexual connection, infidelity, or talks of separation or divorce, your wife is pulling away for ONE reason…
She has lost attraction for you.
Why has that happened?
You have patterns of thinking, feeling and acting that are unattractive. These negative patterns destroy the 3 Pillars Of A Passionate Marriage: Trust, Communication And Intimacy.
Low Trust → Lack Of Safety
Low trust brought on by negative patterns like:
-Not following through on your commitments (to test this, ask your wife what percentage of the time you do what you say you’ll do)
-Doing “nice things,” but expecting something back (mosquito cycle)
-Stuffing your frustration until it boils over into anger or escaping
-Losing your temper with her or the kids
-Getting frustrated or mopey when she turns you down for sex
-Turning to pornography or other women for a sexual release
-Selfish and hurtful behaviors (“paying her back” for what she does or doesn’t do)
These behaviors destroy trust. And when your wife can’t trust you, she doesn’t feel safe with you.
Poor Communication → Low Mental And Emotional Intimacy
Negative, unattractive behaviors here include:
-Not listening to your wife at a deep level (ask her how well she thinks you listen to her)
-Failing to express your thoughts and emotions clearly
-Having the same arguments over and over
These behaviors show poor communication, which leads to low mental and emotional intimacy. She won’t share her deeper feelings with someone she doesn’t feel safe with, who doesn’t listen, and who can’t control his thoughts and emotions.
At this point, at best, you feel like roommates. Just talking about superficial things. You’re left with arguments and win-lose or lose-lose agreements with money, sex, in-laws, parenting, religion, and housework.
These arguments don’t get solved or lead to bad feelings, or repeat over and over. You don’t feel like a team. You don’t know each other’s hopes, dreams and fears. There’s no mental or emotional intimacy.
This disconnection can lead to emotional affairs when one or both of you looks for that connection elsewhere.
Low Intimacy → Sexual Frustration And Looking Outside The Marriage
When you don’t feel like a team or like you’re losing, and you don’t feel safe, sexual intimacy isn’t there. And that frustration leads to looking outside the marriage for satisfaction, which can lead to pornography or sexual affairs.
Unattractive patterns here include things like:
-Asking for sex without any fun or flirting before you ask
-Getting upset when your wife says “no” to sex
-Turning to pornography or other women
Marriages Follow A Similar Pattern When They Fall Apart
Loss of safety/security (mosquito) → Loss of mental and emotional connection → loss of sexual connection → Infidelity/roommate/frequent fighting/checked out → Separation → Divorce
Where are you on this map? Some people simply refuse to separate or get divorced for moral or religious reasons. But without the 3 Pillars Of A Passionate Marriage, these marriages are stuck in a “roommate,” frequent fighting or checked out phase. And that’s not what you want or what you want to model to your children and future generations.
The 3 Step Solution – Rewiring Your Brain
Fortunately, we can change your habits, increase your attractiveness, and rebuild trust, communication and intimacy in 3 simple steps.
Step 1 – Identify and eliminate your negative, unattractive patterns of thinking, feeling and acting
In this phase, we identify the habits that are destroying your attractiveness and your marriage. We look at how you have broken trust, had poor communication, managed your emotions poorly, and approached intimacy in ineffective and unattractive ways.
A big part of this phase is writing a detailed apology letter that we work on together. This is in part for her, but it’s more for you to really see at a deep level your negative patterns and how they have damaged your wife.
This is a very difficult thing to do, but ALWAYS a turning point for men in the program.
We also examine your baseline emotional state towards your wife. Right now, how to you feel towards her? For most men, they are feeling anxious, desperate, needy or resentful towards her. Those emotional states are very unattractive. Would you like to be around someone who feels that way towards you?
Step 2 – Replace The Old Patterns With New, Attractive Patterns Of Thinking, Feeling And Acting
Once we identify and eliminate your negative patterns of thinking, feeling and acting, we replace them with positive, attractive patterns. I also like to refer to this as building spiritual, mental, emotional, physical and sexual strength.
Restoring Trust And Safety
You’ll become a man of your word in all things. You follow through on your commitments, earning trust and building self-confidence. You’ll feel a deeper attachment to God and your mission in life. You become trustworthy and eliminate the root of the mosquito cycle. I call this building spiritual strength. You become trustworthy and confident, which starts to restore the pillar of trust.
You’ll become an expert at managing your thoughts and emotions, so you’re not losing your temper or escaping your emotions with porn, alcohol, work, or other escapes. I call this building spiritual and mental strength. This also builds the pillar of trust and lets your wife feel safe with you.
Communication To Build Mental And Emotional Intimacy
You’ll then add the skills of communication, so you can listen to your wife deeply, even when you don’t agree and even when she’s bringing up old issues. This helps her feel safe and heard. You’ll learn to express yourself clearly, including your thoughts and emotions. You’ll learn to balance respect for her with respect for yourself and get to win-win agreements on important issues like money, sex, in-laws, parenting, religion and housework. This builds the pillar of communication and makes you feel like teammates and best friends in life. You share your deepest feelings with each other and know each other better than anyone. The pillar of communication has been rebuilt and now you have a deep mental and emotional intimacy.
Sexual Intimacy And Passion
Now that you have trust, safety and mental and emotional intimacy, sexual intimacy often follows naturally.
However, we’ll also cover how to bring fun, flirting and passion back to your marriage. So that now you enjoy both friendship and passion in your marriage.
Step 3 – Repeat The New Patterns Until You Can’t Get It Wrong
When you learn the new patterns, you’ll experience some wins. You’ll feel more confident and more connected to your wife.
But, often men feel like they make progress, only to slip back into old patterns later. This is frustrating for them and also for their wife. It also causes problems with trust, since neither one believes that the changes will last.
Coach Nick Saban, Alabama football’s head coach and one of the most successful coaches of all time shared his secret to success. He says that “most people practice until they get it right. We practice until we can’t get it wrong.”
A coach’s job is to help their team win games. Practice is what gets them ready for the game.
As a marriage coach, I’m helping you win your games. Those games are your interactions with your wife. How do you win? By behaving in a way that you can be proud of. By acting in a way that you would want your kids to emulate. As a Christian, behaving in a Christlike way.
So, we identify times when it’s difficult for you to act in ways you can be proud of. For some of the men, these include things like when their wife criticizes them, talks about separation or divorce, turns the cold shoulder, or turns them down for sex.
We create a game plan for how the men will think, feel and act in these situations. Then we use mental rehearsal to prepare for these situations. So when it’s “game time,” you’ll be prepared and will “win” by acting in a way you can be proud of.
Why It Can’t Fail
This is the way that your brain works. Right now, your brain has patterns or “wiring” that creates unattractive thoughts, feelings and actions that repel your wife.
When we get rid of those old patterns, replace them with new, attractive patterns, and repeat them until we can’t get them wrong… success is inevitable.
We do DAILY coaching and accountability for this process for 90 days.
It takes about 21-60 days to build a habit. At 90 days, you will be strong and attractive as your default.
When you change in this way, while aligned with God and Christian principles…
Success is inevitable.
This works. 100%.
When you do this, you’ll wake up next to your wife and see her look at you with love.
You’ll go to work excited because you know you have the support of a loving wife at home.
You’ll have your disagreements and difficulties with your wife, but you’ll know how to overcome them and become stronger after each conflict that you work through.
You’ll come home to a wife and kids who are excited to see you.
You’ll enjoy a dinner together with laughter and love.
Bef0re bed, you and your wife will talk about your day as well as your hopes, dreams and fears.
Then, you’ll enjoy a night of passion together and think to youself “I can’t wait to do this again tomorrow.”
If that’s what you want…
A Few Success Stories
Many men want to be anonymous through this process, and we honor that completely. Some men and couples have chosen to share their stories. Here are a few of them:
Justin’s Story – Low Intimacy And “Codependency” To High Passion And Intimacy
Michael And Rochelle – Overcoming Infidelity
Michael’s Story – Infidelity To Intimacy
Michael sent me this email a few weeks into the program:
Jamie – Ending A Separation And Winning His Wife From Her Interest In Another Man
What You Get With The Program
When you enroll in Strong Men Strong Marriages, I will recommend one or more of the following to help you become the strong, attractive man that God, you, your wife and your kids want you to be.
LIFETIME Access To Online Course Materials
These modules will teach you the strengths and skills you need to build trust, communication and intimacy in your marriage. This material is provided via Kajabi, a very impressive online portal with its own app. Listen and learn any time.
You will also have assessments to check your understanding that I will review and give you feedback on to make sure you’re understanding the concepts.
You will get access to these materials IMMEDIATELY upon enrolling.
Anonymous DAILY Coaching
This is where this program excels and gets better results than anything else out there, or anything I have ever done.
Rewiring your brain takes the three steps. Identifying and eliminating the negative patterns. Replacing them with attractive patterns. Rehearsing those patterns until you can’t get it wrong.
By having daily coaching and accountability, the process accelerates exponentially compared to the traditional weekly coaching/counseling model.
This coaching is done via an anonymous online portal. Many of the men in the program prefer to keep their identity private.
Weekly Group Coaching To Ask Your Questions Live
With the daily online posting, most of your questions will be answered. But, there’s still a lot of benefit to asking your questions and getting coaching live.
These calls are done via Zoom Webinars. This means that the only person being seen is the person being coached. You are welcome to change your name or keep your video off if you prefer to remain anonymous during your coaching.
Access To Ask Any Question Any Time Through Our Online Portal
You may have questions outside of your daily post. You can ask questions any time, anonymously, through our online portal.
Help Writing Your Detailed Apology Letter
The apology letter is one of the most powerful elements of the program. It allows you to see very clearly the negative patterns that need to be changed, and the hurt that they have caused.
It’s a painful process, but one of the most healing and the most appreciated by your wife.
1 on 1 Calls
Meeting 1 on 1 helps you to identify your specific negative patterns. We can also do deep dives using multiple therapeutic techniques to reveal negative patterns that may not be immediately apparent.
This work can help you make progress MUCH faster than traditional therapy of coaching.
If your wife is interested, we can work together or individually to help you both to create a marriage full or mental, emotional and physical intimacy.
Often, my clients will start the program on their own. But, as their wife sees their changes, they become interested and even motivated to change the marriage as well.
Who This Is For
This program is for high achieving, professionally successful Christian men who are ready to:
-Build the spiritual, mental, emotional, physical and sexual strength necessary to restore trust, create great communication, and bring intimacy and passion to your marriage
-Set the example for your children and for generations to follow
-Commit to changing for YOU because this is who YOU want to be as a man
NOTE: If you are not Christian, you CAN still join, though you need to understand that there will be many references to God and Christ through the program. We also focus on building a relationship with God each day, so you will need to adapt that to your beliefs about the universe or a higher power. This is important because we want to base our self worth on something infinite and not based on comparison. You also need to commit to the Christian principles of honesty, integrity, and faithfulness to your wife.
Time And Money
Transforming yourself and your marriage requires a commitment of time and money.
To join the program, you’ll need to commit to spending 60-90 minutes per day for 90 days to create an amazing marriage.
This looks like:
-An AM review of about 15-20 minutes
-Daily module review and assessments (about 20-30 minutes, app available)
-Daily mental rehearsal (about 20 minutes per day at any time through the day)
-PM review submitted for coaching (15-20 minutes)
-Making a significant financial commitment
Investing time and money is what helps you achieve the results.
Who This Is Not For
This program is NOT for you if you…
-Do not agree to be faithful to your wife emotionally and sexually
-Do not agree with the principles of honesty and integrity
-Only want to do this to change your wife (that’s impossible)
-Don’t take personal responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions
-Are not ready, willing and able to make a commitment of 60-90 minutes per day to change your marriage
-Are not ready, willing and able to make a significant financial investment into coaching
Why It Can’t Fail
This program rewires your brain so that you can think, feel and act in ways that are strong, aligned with your values, feel solid, and are much more attractive to your wife.
It simply can’t fail. Just like you practice for sports and eventually the movements become a habit, when you practice for interactions with your wife, they eventually become a habit.
My job as a coach is to get you ready to win your games. The game here is your interactions with your wife. You win by acting like a man that God, you, your wife and your kids can be proud of.
So we get ready for those interactions, especially the ones where you tend to NOT act like a man that you can be proud of.
Following this process, you cannot fail. When you align your thoughts, feelings and actions with who God wants you to be…
And repeat those until they are wired into your brain as your default…
You can’t help but become a man who is strong, attractive, and a great choice for his wife. The type of man that God, you, your wife and your kids want you to be.
And, you create an amazing example and legacy for your children to follow.
Let’s get to work my friend!
I will review your answers to the application and send your customized recommended next steps.
It’s time to create a marriage full of mental, emotional and sexual intimacy…
That sets the example for generations to follow.
Let’s do this my friend!